Four first days

It is 4:47 on a Sunday night. Today I had my fourth first day of school. Although I had my suspisions that I wouldn't teach, it was still amusing to get to school and find out that it was closed. Many of the girls were there though, preparing for our upcoming "Sports Day." From what I can gather, it will be a big cultural program with lots of dancing, singing, and no actual sports. Today I watched the girls practice. The girls are wonderful. I feel so old to be able to reflect on my girlhood days in this way, but really, they are so young and happy and full or such spirit. Somedays, as I am walking around our campus, I think of Anne of Avonlea going off to teach at Kings College, befriending all the girls, wisking them up in her life as she gets wrapped up in thiers...

There is something about the girls here... I remember my first day at Jodypur Girls School in Gaziphur, where I did my model school. Jaime (another Vol) and I co-taught 8th grade. In thier uniforms and shyness I thought they were so, I don't know, restricted, oppressed... I don't know what I was thinking, but I went into our next group session of training spouting how we need to build the girls confidence and show them how as young women they are strong and smart and beautiful and can do whatever they want.

Watching the girls now, I realize how they are all these things, even more so than some young American girls I know. I don't know if it is the girls school atmosphere, but I feel like I would be lucky for my daughters to grow up with such a tight network of, female culture, I guess. There is such a strong connection between women here, it just floors me sometimes. The girls were all out there in their rainbow colored, sparkly three pieces (no uniform needed today) smiling and dancing in the sunshine, running around barefoot, holding hands and twirling a la Kate and Leo in Titanic. I think of Crossgates (the mall in Albany) and the 14 year old girls there hanging outside Abercrombie in their tiered mini-skirts trying to win the attention of some pale faced, baggy pant wearing adolescent boy. The difference is striking.

Even with my own childhood. I loved playing sports and being a jock in high school, and I thought I would try to get a football (soccer) team going at my school. And I still may do this, because options is what it's all about, but I can't believe I ever thought of them as poor little shy wallflowers who needed a strong example. There is a lack of self-consciousness here that gets every last girl out there, even the chubby ones, even the ones who are way too tall for thier age... they are out there singing, dancing, stomping thier feet to the beat of the hindi gan blaring from the boombox.

It was a good morning:-) I talked to my mom this morning. From the comfort of my new foam matress, in my new apartment! Last night was my first night there, and I didn't sleep very well. Every sound promted one of those "what's that!" reactions. And there was some prayer being called out ALL night. Not kidding. Not sure if it is tied to the Hindu festival today, but I don't think so because usually the loud speaker approach to prayer is only utilized by the Muslims. Oh, and I have a Hindu family in a building near me. There is a shell or something that they blow into from time to time during the day... sounds really cool.

My apartment is definately a little pi-de-tier (excuse the spelling, I can't do english, let alone french). It is on the fifth floor of a boroloc (rich person) building on a quiet street in the center of town. My apartment is pretty average, I could have gotten something more modern, but I loved the light and windows of this place. The fifth floor is the roof and there are two apartments on it, mine and another families. The apartments take up half the roof and the rest is a large patio. There is also a stairwell up to another room that is next to the water tank on the roof, where the landlords driver sleeps. Anyway, five floors means it is one of the tallest building in Khulna, well, all of BD really, and the view is amazing. At night I can see the lights of the Rupsha bridge, the moon from my window, breezes blow through. It needs a good cleaning, which I am working on, and some ant killer, but otherwise, I am quite happy to think of settling in there.

What else. Leaving my host family yesterday was a great moment. It was so sad that it was great, because I love them so much and we just match so well that I feel lucky to be sad to leave them. Even though they live 10 min away and I am heading there for dinner when I finish emailing. My host mom gave me a lot of guilt at first, but we both kind of settled into the whole me leaving thing. It's funny, at first I was really akward when they did the, we love you ann thing. And calling my host mother ma, I couldn't do it. I have one Mom, and that's good for me. But now, I get it. I get how you do come to call these people your ma, and your brothers and sisters. I want to see thier marriages and babies and I want to share those things in my life with them. Anyway, sentimental rambling now...

It has been a pretty busy time. I was in Dhaka for a week. We were going to have our IST (In-service Training) but it was postponed for a week (hence us hanging out there) and then canceled until further notice. Kind of suspicious, although we are assured it is not due to safety and security issues. While in Dhaka, Gina and I stayed with Tiffany and Steve, Curtis's teachers from back in CT. They are a wonderful couple and have an amazing apartment and cats and hot water and eggo waffles... and coffee!! We vegged.

We also got to meet Dr. Aziz, Marilyn's father's student from Duke. His family lives right near the gelato place we always go to, and they are wonderful!! He has two kids, a son who works in Dhaka and Dubai and a daughter who is getting her PHD at VA Tech. His brothers wife and two kids also live there and one afternoon we went and chatted over pouri (dal filled fried dough things). We also went back for dinner one night. They had lots of family over, most speak some English, although we can manage Bangla pretty well at this point. Some family from Kuwait, Saudi, and a fiance from St. Louis, who was pretty jet lagged, but quite happy I think to see Gina and I sitting there when she walked in the room. The food was AMAZING, by far the best Bengali food I have had. They are just wonderful and so welcoming and the way that Dr. Aziz talked about Marilyn's father and family... It is just amazing that 40 years ago the Humms opened thier hearts and home to this man and here I am, all this time and distance later, being welcomed like a daughter into the home of Bengali micro-biologist and his family.

Oh, and I also went to The Daily Star's 15th Anniversary celebration. The Daily Star is the big English daily here, and my friend Mame had an invite. So I got a little dolled up, (little being the operative word when wearing a salwar kameez) and headed out. It was at some famous Dhaka building, where the SARC conference was held. We strolled the photo exhibit, sipped mango juice... and met Muhamad Yunus!! Many of you may not know who he is, and I didn't until before I came here and saw a program on PBS about him. He is the head of Grameen Bank and is credited with and promotes his starting the microcredit as poverty alleviation trend. Anyway, I got to shake his hand and talk with him. Definately a moment to remember. His keynote was great, and all in all I feel quite lucky to have gone to the event.

I am happy to hear that things at home are going well. Life does have a way of moving on despite ones absence... Two of my favorite people have some big news, my mom has a new small dog (who fortunately is getting along great with my Darbs)... Know that I love you all and miss you. I am in my 7th month here, which amazes me. Let me know how you are doing when you can.

Hugs to all.

Subaru handbag

It is amazing how a person can settle into an unsettled feeling. About three minutes ago, I was reading an email from my mom, tears rolling down, that kind of bottomless ache bouncing around my heart... Nothing awful, just missing home. And now, two emails later, I'm looking at pictures from a snowstorm a few winters ago, snow swirling around the house, piling up on the windowsills. Iron and Wine's "Trapeze Swinger" on my Ipod, and I feel so lucky, both to be here and to have such wonderfullness at home that I can miss it so much. Shoot, and now I am looking at more pictures, of my mom at a office event, and I'm teary again. Oh well:-)

I had planned on updating this every month, but I missed November. A lot has happened since swearing in, much of it good, just as much of it stressfull. Things at site are still going really well. My family is wonderful. When I am having a stressfull day, rather than retreating to my room as is often the first response, I sit with them, have some tea, make some jokes, tell them why I'm stressed... I feel really lucky to have their support and love. Bengali mothers tend to jump the gun a bit on the "i love you as my own" thing, but my host mother here and I have a really great relationship. I have great connections with my whole family really, but especially my mother and my sister Thora, who is 17 and a real pistol. She will argue a rickshaw wallah out of his last taka if he is trying to rip me off. It's always good to have one of those.

The other day we were all sitting around, I was getting my hair brushed, which I actually don't mind with my sisters here. My host mom in Gaziphur, now that was another story. Anyway, I was looking at my sister Runa's handbag, and on the little metal brand clasp thing, it said Subaru... As in the car company... Same little symbol... Oh Bangladesh and your knockoffs. Who wants Fendi if you can have Subaru!

I haven't started teaching yet, I will "take" class in January. I am still not sure what I will be teaching, well English of course, but to whom I don't know. There are two schools that my principle runs, so perhaps I might just do spoken english classes with the teachers there, and one or two other government run schools. Or I may teach the girls. I am open to what they want, but part of me feels like of course the teachers would say that my teaching them is more sustainable for teaching the girls because it is a huge benefit to them...

I have started work on two secondary projects, which is really good for my momentum. I wrote a proposal for KCC - Khulna City Corporation. They want to start a sanitary latrine development program in the slums, and I put together the proposal for them. Now I get to shop it out, which is pretty cool. I think I will apply for a SPA grant with it, which is a special grant USAID offers for PCVs. I am getting started on helping them with another proposal too, this one for an education program for "hard to reach" (8-12 year olds) in the slums. Usually these kids are working in cha stalls and shops or as bouas, and need to. This program would aim at teaching them life skills - health issues, etc. Good experience for me and I am learning a lot about slum life.

Oh, and my other project is an women's art history course for the girls at my school. This is really exiting for me, because the more time I spend here the more I think I could make SE Asian studies a focus if I go to grad school, specifically the art of the region and the influences of religion. Anyway, this is a pipe dream at this point, but something to be exited for none the less. I am starting to research Bengali artists, which is fun and will help my course. Of course I am hoping to inspire the girls a la Julia Roberts in "Mona Lisa Smile" and they will all see this great artwork done by women and start to think differently about thier roles as women in this society. We shall see.

This is all super contingent on the program making it two years. Things have been heating up here. It has been quiet the last few days, but many of our sites had suicide bombings over the last few weeks. Gaziphur, the town we had our training in, was bombed twice in three days. A suicide bomber dressed as a cha dokan guy blew up himself and killed and injured many more outside the local courthouse. This has been happening all over the country. Bombs were found in Khulna and threat notes were delivered to local schools which is disgusting, but nothing has happened here so far.

The election is still 10 months away, and things will only get hotter. I feel no direct threat against me, or Americans and at this point feel that we can be safe and successfull at site. And happy too, which is the major issue, becase it is not a fair expectation that we just get by here, we need to be feeling good about it too. So every day I get up, go to my school, do my work, get my projects rolling, and hope that two years from now I will be rolling back to the States having made it through two years in Bangladesh.

Christmas is coming, and for those who appreciate alliteration, we are having a "Khulna Christmas!" Should be fun, my sitemate Adam and I are hosting, and we have about 10 people expected, including the german guy who is crashing at Adam's host family's house and multiple PCVs. Xmas lights, music, a tree... drinks of the alcholic variety. Perhaps some pancakes. Doesn't get much better. Know that I am thinking of you all and will miss not being able to wish you Happy Holidays in person.

Marilyn and Em are heading to Albany for Christmas, which is wonderful and I will miss Xmas mass at St. Margaret Mary's. Little Lilly and her two moms in the front row, Emma falling asleep in the pew next to me (although that was a few years ago, Em's a big girl now!). Those Cullin boys creating a stir in the back row... The organist struggling to stay on key while the sleepy, aged congregation trys to hit the high notes of Ave Maria. I will try to find a Christian service here, and I hear there will be cake with "Happy Birthday Jesus!" on it. Just like home;-)

L-R Gina, me, Meghan... love meg's hair! This is the day of swearing in at the hotel.

Various stages

Well, it's official. Yesterday afternoon, standing in the American Embassy in Dhaka, with my right hand raised high and 53 other trainees by my side, I was sworn in to the Peace Corps. Two of our trainees gave speeches in Bangla, which brought the house down, many in the x-pat and RPCV community turned out to watch, the head of US AID and the Embassador spoke... It was really pretty amazing. I got quite emotional, especially thinking about my mom saying those same words over 30 years ago... It is a pretty impressive family we just entered into.

We had a great party at an x-pat house, and finished out our three day stint relaxing in Dhaka before heading home to Gaziphur until after Eid (could be the 3, 4, or 5th.) I will head to Khulna on the 6th, with my sitemate and two other Vols who will be in Jessore. And then, the real stuff begins.

It is pretty amazing, although we have learned so much and have been challanged in so many ways over the last three months, we have been sheltered in a town where 50 other Americans were staying, we had our hubsite to escape to, movie nights, our old familiar Romeo.com internet cafe... now all of that is ending and we will be exploring, learning, getting lost... all on our own.

I am lucky that I have a sitemate, and a good one at that. My friend Gina is only an hour away, which is really really comforting and exiting - trips to the Shunderbans! Tagor's cabin! Tigers! I can't imagine heading out to site alone at this point, although some of us will be.

What other news to report. Things are going really well lately. I finally got my technology figured out and have been able to use my computer and iPod, which makes a really really wonderful difference in my day to day. I remember reading a Vol in China or Uzbekistans weblog and she was saying she wished she had brought more DVD's and I was thinking how self-isolating that would be, to hole up and watch an American movie... I was so wrong. It is so needed, and normal, and reassuring to get home from a long day, harrased by heat, noise, dirt, Bengalis... throw off the orna, climb under the bug net and watch Ewan McGreger woo Nicole Kidman inside an giant elephant. (Moulin Rouge - yay Dana!!). Oh, and a quick note that I know will make Curtis a tad jealous, DVD's are 100 tk here, which is about $1.40. I just bought a box set of all the seasons of Sex and the City for about $9.00.

Dhaka is really interesting, imagine Chinatown in any of the major US cities times a few hundred. It is Ramadan time, which means that the beggers are out in force. I read about it and was warned about it, but nothing can really prepare you for the time when you are crammed into a three wheel CNG, stopped at an intersection, and women with small underfed babies come up asking for "Baksheesh," (sp?) or taka, or asking "Madame, money..."

You can get most of what you want in Dhaka, or Emerald City as we have come to call it. There are a few stores that have phenomenal arts and crafts, beautiful embroidered quilts, carvings, fabrics. My mother advised me to buy as I go (I am sure those of you who knows her are not suprised by that suggestion:-) and with the threat of bird flu/political unrest/natural disaster constantly eminant, it is a good idea. It has been fun exploring the city, and a needed mental break, but I am exited to get out to site and get started... or at least to hang out for a few months and plan how to get started.

Another quick note: PC policy re: bird flu in case you are curious/worried. The deal is if a bird is infected we are most likely pulled out. This is generally the policy for all PC countries, however Thailand had a case of two people being infected, and the program is still running. Thailand was hit with SARS and has a much better quarntine system in place, in addition to the fact that the poultry population is for the most part seperated from... say the average 7 year old running around on the street, which is the case in Bangladesh. In fact I wake up most mornings to the sound of the roosters and ducks crowing and quacking outside my door.

Oh, I am going to include a link below to a photo site. I am trying to load them up at the moment. It is a "Sullivan Family Photo Album" that my sister set up (thank you!) so I didn't have to take the time or the taka to do so over here. I believe you can all access it, and even start your own albums if you have pics you want to share with me. (N.B. "if you have pictures you want to share with me.")

I have been able to keep in touch with my family pretty regularly, meaning every two weeks or so. It is really needed and as the holidays are rolling around and you feel like buying a phone card, I would love to hear some familiar voices. Send me an email or look back on this blog for my phone info. Also, here is my address again for those who have asked. For now, I am still going to be using the PC office in Dhaka's address. They courier packages to us every two weeks, and it I think will be more secure.

Send mail to:

Ann Sullivan, PCV (yay!! I am a "V" now, not a "T")
House 10 F, Road 82
Gulshan 2, Dhaka 1212
Bangladesh

And my phone again, because as I write this I am not looking at my blog, so I can't remember if it is posted:

0171 436138

(That first 0 might not be needed... I am not quite sure, try again if it's not working).

Oh, in other news... I got my nose pierced!! It is tradition for Bengali women to have thier noses pierced, and many of the female PCV's have it done. Gina and I went to a little salon called Nelos in Dhaka and now both have fun little diamond studs! I know my host mom in Gaziphur will not like it because she kept telling me to get a fake "tip" and actually went so far as to put a clip-on hoop earing in my nose... but alas, somethings my host mom suggests are just totoally worth ignoring. Like doing laundry at night will kill you. And eating a lemon hard candy will make my bomi-bomi (vomiting) go away. And Hindi films depict true romantic love.

Oh, and I should note, when writing emails and saving pictures on my laptop (which was generously given to me before I went away, which I will always be grateful for) I opened Media Player and found some music that I had loaded from CD to my comp my last night in Berkeley, and then forgotten about. My friend Dan put together a pretty amazing mix of music. Really amazing and I would be remiss not to mention it. I can't tell you how wonderful it was that first night I had my laptop charged, when I did in fact climb under my mosquito net, plug in my headphones, upload pictures and listen to Warren Zevon's "Back in the Highlife," Dire Straits "Romeo and Juliet," and Dylans "Buckets of Rain." Life is in fact, good.

1/27th down...

I have been in Bangladesh for over a month. In some ways, it feels like we have been here longer... Usually when we are generalizing about BDesh or BDeshis *always* being this way or that way. Take everything I say with a grain of salt because who knows how my views of things will change in two years!

All is well. Yesterday I went to my host father's native village. We took a baby taxi, which is a three wheeled vehicle usually brightly painted with sparkles and floral print vinyl seats. Think Moulin Rouge. There is no top/doors, only a metal frame covered with a (again brightly colored) plastic top. I am bigger than the average Bangladeshi, and with three adults and two kids stuffed in, it was quite the experience. Especially on our way home when we were carrying a jug of milk freshly um... milked (?) from the family cow.

The village was about two hours away, but probably no more than 30/40 km. It is farm country, rice paddies that is and kub shundor! Very beautiful! I will try to post photos asap (probably not until I get to the PC office in Dhaka) but it is very picturesque (excuse any misspellings, I am just happy to be able to get to the internet at all!). People are very curious about the Badeshi (foreigner) and want to come and look. I think this was definately a case of I am/will be the only American/foreigner these people will ever see. But they seemed to like me and my attempts to speak bangla, so hopefully I represented well!

All in all, we are doing very well. The host family situation is still stressful, but already I have learned to scale back my battles and my victories. If I don't have my hair brushed by my host mom, or if I can get away with only two small servings of rice, I am happy. The loss of control is the biggest issue, but after our site visits (we go to see PCV's in action) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are all *so* exited to get to site. (Note: Our site visit has no bearing on where we are placed... That I will not know until the end of September).

My site visit was to Dinajpour in the NW part of BDesh. There are three vols placed there, the B6 we stayed with will be leaving at the end of October. Although we did get to hear a lot about the challanges they face at site, which is intimidating, we could also see how they can maintain a relatively normal functioning adult life! Something we lose during training (can't walk alone, can't choose our food, clothing, etc.).

I think something I am looking forward to most is learning how to put my foot down. Close family and friends may protest when I say I am a bit of a pushover, but in many situations I am, which has already gotten me into trouble here. I see the people who have been here for two years firmly but politely declining things and setting thier boundaries. I know I will have to get tough, which while that is hard to do, it is neccessary, and I look forward to the day when I can tell that rickshawallah (in bangla) that he is ripping me off, leave the correct amount and walk away.

I got a text email from Emma last night! That made my week. If you would like to send me short text messages you can to my mobile: sulli418@cellemail.net. Oh also, I have to try to get this disclaimer on my site somewhere, but just in case I can't figure it out, here it is:

This site reflects my thoughts/opinions only and in no way reflects ideas of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Miss you all and hope you are well. If you want to send me mail I would love letters. I mass emailed the addresses in Dhaka, which I don't have no me otherwise I would post it.

Hugs and love to you all!

Ducks in a row...

Well, tomorrow is the big day. The B8's meet up at the Crowne Plaza in San Fransisco at 1:00 and the adventure begins. We have two days of training at the hotel and fly out Monday. The flight is from San Fran to Tokyo, Tokyo to Bankok and finally on to Dhaka.

These last few days I have been hanging out with Casey in Berkeley. All my ducks are in a row, my iPod is loaded, I figured out how to use my camera and I have eaten soooo many pain au chocolates that I think I can survive the next two years without french pasteries.

Thank you to all the support that everyone has given me. These last few months have been really emotional, but having the opportunity to say goodbye to most everyone in person was the best send off I could have asked for. Know that you are all in my prayers. Keep in touch and much love!